I have had some tough situations thrown my way in life. One thing I know I can be proud of is the bad situations that have been thrown at me have never been my excuse to treat someone poorly. Not even a stranger. And damn sure not someone I love and respect. With that being said, I have been stressed these past few days trying to wrap my mind around why people act the way they do. Why someone can claim they do things to make me happy and act as if I will love them any less if they "fail". So they overwhelm themselves and can't handle life when it gets a little rough. Nothing is their fault and everyone else is to blame. They are the only ones going thru this and no one in the history of ever has gone thru anything remotely hard. Give me a break. I know people dealing with much more stressful situations. These people are a lot younger, some are older, and even they don't put blame on others for the situations life has thrown their way. I am here to lend a helping hand. I will defend myself when I am being disrespected. I will throw those comments to defend myself if need be if YOU continue to do the same. I am not going to be disrespected in my own home. And if my other 2 kids can see the problem and that it doesn't all lie on me, like they have been taught to believe, then we were opened to the truth this past week and weekend. If my husband has now had his eyes opened to the truth, that he did believe but didn't want to, then they have been opened now. I am officially not the evil-hateful step-mom that she has portrayed me to be. Counseling here we come! She has needed it for a while, but we thought things would get better. And when things do get better, in an instant we take 10 steps and 4 years backwards. And then here we are...an emotionally drained wreck hoping that another outburst doesn't happen again.
We have all been stressed out before. Some can handle it better than others and some have to lash out and lose their shit. Toss dining room tables into their step-moms chest and threaten to run away and even worse..threaten to end her life. We don't take suicide lightly in our house. Kids on social media are so quick to snap about it and its a cry for attention. Plain and simple. Well, like I said, counseling here she comes. Because anyone and I mean ANYONE that wants to make those kinds of threats and talk like that needs mental help. The kicking and screaming and damn near pulling out hair has made me appreciate the blessings I have in the other 2 kids in my house. They see how upset she can make me and they know that when she's a bit calmer we all can get along and they miss her when she isn't there. Then weeks end the way our last one did, and we all have to distance ourselves from her and move our schedule around so that no on is in the path of destruction.
We ALL hate it. We ALL become emotionally and mentally drained by it and I have to answer questions that the younger ones have that sometimes I am not ready to answer. But here I am given a tough situation in life and I deal with it. I don't put blame on anyone else because that's the biggest cop out of excuses to make when someone doesn't want to handle what comes their way.
I am truly grateful for all the hateful, toxic people in my life. Because every time I have to deal with them, I am reminded who I DO NOT want to become and who I DO NOT want to be around. I surround myself with great friends that let me cry when I need to and friends who get it and understand why I am that frazzled mess every few months. My close family and my great friends know that I don't deserve to be treated the way I am by someone I have done nothing to but go to bat for. Someone I am and was there for when shit would hit the fan with her own mom and someone that I love even though I didn't have to. Someone I care about and opened my home to. I have put a lot of things on hold for her, but that's what happens when you have kids. They come first. And not once have I ever made her feel like a burden, I have never blamed her for anything that life threw my way. I have never treated her any differently than my other 2 kids. I get that there isn't a huge line of respect she has for her own bio-mom. But I'm not her bio-mom. I am not the one that would call her and yell at her and call her names and blame her for my life turning to shit. I am not the one that would call her with promises of gifts and money and good times, all to let her down when that weekend would come. I am not the one that signed my rights over while making a fool of myself in court. I am not the one that tries to convince others that her dad and stepmom is the monster in this parenting game. I am not the one that gets on social media and blast about how my life is shit and everyone else it to blame and calls her out to continue to bad mouth her.
What I do however is love her. And regardless how she might feel about me. Like truly deep-down feel about me, my love for her is real. And it won't end over a bad grade or a hateful attitude. I will keep my distance for a while and continue to take a calmer approach to her outburst that can last 3-4 days.
I am done being treated the way she has treated me for years. It's gone on too long. It's not who I am. The person she tries (and has) brought out in me, isn't who I am. If it was then I would act that way with everyone in my path. Me and my other 2 kids get along GREAT!! And the oldest one and I could too on a regular basis if she would calm the fuck down and realize she's not growing up alone and that her dad and I love her and want good things for her. We want her to be an independently functioning member of society. Not someone that will blame a bad day on anyone in her path. She's too smart of a girl to act the way she does.
And no. No this isn't "teenage hormones". This isn't PMS. This isn't me or her dad nit-picking at her. Like I said if we were that kind of parent then we would have a bad relationship with our other kids. And we don't.
We have rules in our home that we expect her to follow, but there's always a rule to break. They have rules at her job that she's learned to bend, because she doesn't agree with them. And it sucks. Rules are every where. Regardless if you agree with them or not.
We, as her parents, just have to remember that when she is out on her own some of the things we taught her and hoped for her will get tossed in the trash as she learns to live on her own and handle real life, real adult situations. And we have to remind ourselves that her actions aren't a reflection of us.
We are comfortable with the way we parent. We are confident enough in the things we do and say as parents. The way they all turn out wont 100% be a reflection of us. Because regardless of the things we have taught her and the rules and expectations we have set in front of her, there she will be, figuring out a way to disrespect them and bend those rules to fit her needs. Blaming us when things don't go her way just as she has done since she came to live with her dad and I.
We hate it. We ALL hate it.
But, as someone that loves her and that hasn't given up on her nor will I ever, I am still trying to figure out a way to help her so she isn't alone and isolated in the big adult world. That, let's face it, as an adult and someone that's been on their own since 18 years old, can admit that being an adult sucks!! I didn't run back home. I didn't blame my parents for some of the not so great choices I made. I didn't blame them when I got into some of the trouble I did. Because I knew they taught me right from wrong, but there is still a lot I had to figure out on my own. Just like every adult out there in the world.
All I ask is for the next 7 months of junior year to be a smooth transition into her getting that much closer to adult hood. I don't want to have a bad relationship with her. I still want to have her in our lives when she's out on her own. I want to meet her for lunch, I want her to be there on Christmas morning with the family. I want her and her brother and sister to continue to grow up together and make memories with her. Everything else that's negative and drama filled can go kick rocks!
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